Red Bottom's and Red Hat's

Hello, all you non-existent readers out there! I’m back with my quarterly update, and man is it a doozy. Sit back a spell while I stoke this fire, pour the wine and wax nostalgic...or my legs.

As many of you know (okay, who are we kidding...no one’s reading this), Lynn and I had a baby girl in January. Well, Lynn actually HAD the baby; I just kinda stood around saying, "Hey, are you sure we should be bending her THIS far?!" See picture of referenced baby for cuteness.

Now for those of you considering a baby late in life, here’s a tip from your Uncle Dave: DON’T. I am now 38 years old and should be enjoying my twilight years. God knows, I deserve them. Until Samantha (that’s the aforementioned daughters’ name) came along, I had visions of Geritol, Depends undergarments and the occasional pinch of my waitress’s tush at the local Huddle House. I certainly had no plans to have another child. Let me tell you, 3:00 am feedings was not that big of a deal when you are 24, but at 38? They kinda suck.

But she is cute, huh?

Oh, just got back from a series of "conventions" in Nashville. We stayed at the beautiful Gaylord Opryland hotel which, if you decide you want to stay in a hotel that will eat up that second mortgage, I heartily recommend. We were there at the same time the Red Hat Society was having their International Convention. Over 5,000 women above the age of 50 in the hotel. Drunk. Without husbands. Do the math. The last time I felt that violated was during a TSA strip search. At least that time was suprisingly gentle in comparison.

I was officially adopted by the Queen of the Springfield, Illinois chapter affectionally know as the "Red Hot Momma's". Ms. Beverly, wherever you are, thank you for a lovely time with you and your ladies, tell "pinky" I said hello, and I honestly can't wait to start a career at your son-in-law's McDonald's.